Last entry for the year 2010

A year gone by so fast.....Many events,many emotions...Sometimes i wonder how i got through some of the things happened...

It was another memorable year.Hoping years to come will be full of suprises,happiness and learning experince! Goodbye 2010 and Happy 2011!

i just wana curl inside my bed...

A day to rest from night shift,initial had flight of ideas to go to town,pay car loan,a movie perhaps...but in the end woken up at 5pm.Then it rained.

Last night it rain too,but i was in hospital,attending patinet in total darkness(electricity blackout).

It's nice to hear it sings.Other people love rainy days,im one of them too...:)

Day become night,and night become day...

It's fully reverse now,limited houseman,no rehat malam,everyday im more and more nocturnal....I came back to to an empty house evry morning,seems a bit depressing,but liking the whole space for myself...Been skipping lunch nowadays,which means getting more and more cachexic....Everyday has been not easy,but this is life...Im so going to enjoy my new year holiday next year...so until then,work everyday like there's no tomorrow....Suprisingly in the mist of failure of the system ,somehow deep inside im kind of enjoying it...twisted isnt it?...

Simple,easy,just taking a breather..

Yes,recovering from my URTI,on and off will still have headache...It's been quite sometime i havent spend some time alone,just sitting there quietly,with a book infront of me,letting the time passed by ...

No obligations,no emergencies,no tension/stress, just taking a breather before the coming storm....(9 housemans in casualty...)

Hiccups...

It's been ages since i had one episode...and it just happen to occur when i had an bad case of upper respiratory tract infection.Runny nose,sore throat,fever and hiccups...

Some info about hiccup which to share(taken from emedicine-the website you trust XD)

Hiccup,medical term= singultus.It serve no purpose except to irritate you.It just an embarassement when you are having it while listening to patient's problem(but it does make d kids laughed).Usually affect the left hemodiaphragm.It can occur 4-60 times per minute.

Exact cause of it?=Mystery

Brilliant people has been postulating:

Hypocrates and celcus=liver inflamation

Shortt 1833=phrenic nerve irritation

Bailey 1943 has come up with a hiccup relex arch,which consist of afferent limb,hiccup center,connections to other systems and efferent limbs.

It will ring a red flag if the hiccup has been persistent more than 48 hours,which required a very detail history and examinations.Basically everything can caused a persistent /intractable hiccup.

Respiratory :pneumonia,empyema,asthma,bronchitis,diaphragmatic injuries.
Cardiac :pericarditis,myocardial infarction,
Electrolyte :low sodium,potassium,calcium,uraemia,
GI Tract :peritonitis,abscess,gastroenteritis,esophagitis...and there's more to go...

Treatment options:
Conventional methods:breath holding,changing breathing pattern,stucking a catheter into nose/mouth,digital rectal stimulation(wow),carotid massage...etc etc

Medical:
haloperidol,metochlopramide...

It's just a simple hiccup,but it can mean so much more...thankfully mine has resolved...

Life = Beautiful

I come to a conclusion that life can be very simple,to gain,there's always giving/sharing.plus that little luck factor.

With painful legs/knees for 3 days,i have seen the most beautiful sunrise in my life,made really good memories with my friends,and see how truely wonderful Sabah can be.

With sacrifice of being near to home,i have seen the beautiful side of Sabahan,being polite,helpful and generous(Even if it means driving up the pedestrian walkway to make way for ambulance)

With lost of most of my "me-time",i have seen myself better.

With all those moments of life and death,it made me realize "you never know what will happen when the next second comes".

With alteration of my physiology after going into accident and emergency department,i have seen some really interesting cases..(eg a small thread like worm sticking on my gloved finger after per rectal examination,a man walked in with creatinine level of 2817,rat as big as a cat bitten a 2 year old child,how a jelly fish can sting....)

I am just grateful for who and where i am.........Life truely can be beautiful!

How To Save A Life-The Fray

This song always reminded me of the ones i've lost,of those regrets ,and of those moments where i dont dare to relive...I am just glad i am here,and all that are still with me....thank you :).It's is October again,and i just wana say i missed you !

Step one you said we need to talk

He walks you said sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left you stay right

Between the line of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came

Where did i go wrong,i lost a friend

Somewhere along the bitterness

And i would stayed up with you all night

Had i known how to save a life

Holiday....where are you??

I cant wait to go on my holiday....days are getting a bit routine...but i made some new friends,gain lots of new experince,and finally found a posting which i fell in love with....still........i want holiday...............

I just have to say it

Power,authority corrupts people.Meeting a few of the seniors SP recently really reflect how true is the statement.

When they are in a higher authority and can manipulate things according to their wishes,it doesnt matter how it will affect others,the most important thing is wether they like it or not,regardless it is right or wrong.

When there's acheivement,when there's success,yes ,we must let the world know about it!Creating a fan club and forcing people to like it,wow....

When there's conflict in between departments,let just involve the HO in it,the more the merrier right?

The statement"houseman nowadays is a protected species,even SP afraid of letter of complaint by houseman to the DG" I was thinking:"If a good senior SP who knows how to teach well,doesnt really give a damn wether they are being complaint or not,because they are such excellent and sincere teachers."

Another statement who shocked me the most:"selectively we teach the housemans,only those who shows interest"Again thoughts are running in my head:"please say the things tht you do in reality,god please help us".

Im not a super best HO among the bunch,but seeing and listening to these kind of things,really made me wana laugh ,it's this the level we are at?

I am so sorry...

Life is so unpredictable,so is disease progression.Life always give me a lesson that i may never forget for the rest of my life.And people say im a Jonah now...Maybe i am

It happen within minutes....He was talking fine to me in high dependency unit minutes ago after the morning blood taking,suddenly collapsed and unresponsive the other minute.While doing the CPR,bagging the patient,my heart was racing.

"What went wrong?"

"Why a minute ago you were perfectly fine,now your pupils are fixed and dilated?"

"Why has you heart stopped beating ?"

"Are we missing something here?"

I tried to intubate but to no avail,i've called for help,i've given adrenaline,bagging and CPR....What else can i do???........

Eventually thing sorted out when help came.Difficult intubation but in the end he was more stable.

I cannot meet the gaze of her wife when i left HDU.

I cannot bear seeing the teary face of a 50's old lady,who wondering what had become of her beloved....

I cannot imagine her feeling of insecurity and worriness,of losing a person who been sharing years and years of love and companionship.

While walking out from the hospital,it was another beautiful day with clear sky and bright sunshine.Inside my mind was a different story...

Plan

Lesson kept on repeating,no matter how well you planned for the future,it may not always go accordingly...well....who cares,happiness matters right?

Escapism

May i just have one whole day to myself,without people asking anything from me?

It's childish i know,but i dont care.

and sometimes i cant just always be a bigger person,like you hope me to be.

Im just like everybody else

Who just get tired of everything once in awhile.

Busy busy busy....

This has been the most frequent word that comes into my mind recently.Been in medical "chronic" ward but all problems are so acute.

One incident,a patient in his 40's came in with 1 months history of shortness of breath and severe lost of weight.History of operation done under ENT(oncology) ,?NPC(scar at posterior auricular area)...No significant history of TB noted.

Patient was very breathless,:''doctor,tolong aku..."

The Blood pressure lowish(90/50),the radial pulse was barely palpable,hmm,i thought,run fluid!Oxygen high flow....

Chest bilateral decreased air entry with crepitation and dullness."Ok,really bad case of TB???"Heart sounds were soft.

Chest radiograph:bilateral lung effusion and a very huge heart.

"hmm....acute pulmonary oedema also???"

Me on the phone:"Hi doctor,it's lee from male ward,we just had a admission ,patient was very breathless,lowish BP,not very stable.""OK,i'll come and see later."

After 15 minutes....no sign of MO.

Mr Pharmacy(who can be a better houseman):"better be careful of this patient,looks like going to collapse anytime"

Me:panic again.

Then the Heroes of the day were sighted(respiratory team)

Dr A and R:"any respi cases?"

"dr,can you help us with this case"

Seen everything,hear every history,The chest X Ray:"GLOBULAR heart".

"Have you felt the apex beat?"

Me:err...nope,but heart sound really soft and pulses barely palpable"

"Let's scan the heart"

What do you think is the diagnosis??? I swear to myself i will never missed this again!!!

Frustrations...

This is how i felt today...

Frustrated because i cannot do much to help

Frustrated because i know something is wrong but i am powerless

Frustrated because not everyone is being treated fairly

Frustrated because seeing selfish people being praised

Frustrated because why everything is wrong???

Frustrated because do you really meant what you said???

sigh....

Laziness...

This is how i feel nowadays.....plus some mixed feelings of enjoyment and guiltiness....I hope i dont get Karma because of this....:P

A lot went by

Laptop had now officially not functioning.Been begging people to let me use their laptop for a brief moment of sanity.

Finished OBGY,that was a relief.I guess it was a posting that want to squeeze every last drop of blood out of me...

Had an extremely nice holiday with SJ/KY/Sj's sisters...It was way too short though...

Hoping a friend will be well soon,which i know he will.

Hoping another friend will be well soon too...

In a whole new posting which i possibly wanting to venture deeper in the future,i hope i have found the one....

Too many events,too many emotions....probably best left unspoken...

Take care guys!

Thank you

Didnt expect anything

Plus the little bit of awkardness,poker face,I LOVE NY,music of Os fully playin

and the birthday song sang by that somebody

that will forever linger in my head ...LOL...

Thank you very much

Memorable,indeed.

MOvies FrEnzy......

Im out of control....watched so many in a few days....

"Valentine"-Being in love is such a blessing...Sometimes to be in love requires a lot of courage.

"Clash of the Titans"-Being a semi-god with good looks/physiques is filled with privillages....

"How to train a Dragon"-I want a dragon,stat!!!

"Iron Man 2"-Power and wealth corrupt people.Only perserverence will keep life going....

"Solomon Kane"-Im not that religious after all....

"Dear John"-Love can be expressed in different ways....

There's more to come.........:)

Drops of Jupiter

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey, heyhey, hey, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey, heymmmm.....
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey, hey, hey, heyyea...
Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phoneConversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . .
and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
nah nah nah nah nah nahnah nah nah nah nah nah
And did you fall for a shooting star
Fall for a shooting star
nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Are you loney looking for yourself out there

Terrible week...

I had a really terrible week.These are the time where i really feel like going home and just sleep on the couch and do nothing.....i think i should go home again....i really had enough of bloody scenarios ....even my Operation Theater pants was soaked with patient's blood....Yes,i need a break...

Excuses

Excuses…
Can you just stop
To give excuses
Excuses for your mistakes
Excuses for not doing things properly
Excuses for saving your own as#
Excuses for being such an as#
Excuses for waking up late
Excuses for not exercising enough
Excuses for not sensitive enough
Excuses for procrastinating
Excuses for people hating you
Excuses for hating people
Excuses for being who you are
Excuses for being who others want you to be
Wouldn’t it be easier
When we start to give fewer excuses
but start to be honest to ourselves
When are we going to live life, when life itself is filled with excuses?

Random Ramblings

Not all the time we are satisfied with what we have, with what environment we are living in. There are people that just don’t make any sense, and there are just scenarios that are just unbelievable. Living here and receiving training in where I am, showed me more than I intended to see.

Everything has a limitation to it. No matter how advanced knowledge there is up to date,you just need to try your best with what you have. Because in the end of the day you just want what is the best for the patients. Perhaps sometime the effort seems futile, wasted, inevitably I felt frustrated by the outcome. Perhaps I just didn’t see the other positive side of it. Perhaps it may become worse.

Tireness is unavoidable. Physically and mentally.im trying to accept the flawed part every other things(but always ended up getting agitated and fouled mouthed about it).Perhaps looking at the imperfect part of myself, accepting and correcting it would help me accepting others. Now and then how I wish and this world is less complicated, diseases wise(Dr would be out of job) and human relation. There’s a saying that imperfections made the world perfect, occasionally it is true if you can live with it.

I must let myself to trust others, but past had thought me well. Trust is not something to be given easily. It’s the same with respect. It is something you just have to earn from others. Working life, these two aspects are so vital.

Somebody told me, :”You only live young once, why not live more by loving more…”Depends on how you interpret it, it comes in different meaning. Happiness doesn’t come easy, so it’s the chance to love. Maybe I have long forgotten how it is feel .There are people can begin and end one after another,I wonder how they actually feel inside…

How I wish everything is much simpler.

To my horror.......

2 hours plus of driving from Keningau to Kota Kinabalu...it was really draining.Luckily my collection of songs were there to lessen the agony.It was misty,winding road with lots of slow moving trucks as obstacle.Missing a turn cost me 30 minutes of extra detour....sigh....



After reaching the house,i quickly went up my room to clear things up.To my horror...this was what i saw...

What a welcoming gift back to KK.But the positve side i wasnt fortunate enough to be hit by the falling ceiling.Plus my nice housemates helped me clean my room and the mess....Water leakage,sometimes shit really falls from above....

Sometimes just out of nowhere...

Scenarios in life where i had verbal constipation:

Senior medical personnel(SMP):Saya mau buat transvaginal ultrasound,Lee,get me an ultrasound condom

Me:err...wait ar....(fumbling over the small red box took some time but finally found one)

SMP:Bibi(a nurse),mana mungkin tiada kan?

Me: (Being looked at by the smp)..

SMP:kita kan sudah banyak Dr lelaki,entahlah siapa yang menghabiskan...(ended with a grin)

Me:(stunned,im innocent,i wont use a condom meant for ultrasound anyway,should i just laugh?)

then,Me: laughed,Er,Dr,what is that structure over there...ne...over there...

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(This happen in OT-different SMP)

SMP:Lee ,how old are you?

Me:er,i was borned year 85,so now is 25 yr old

SMP:Oh,but you have eyes of an 18 years old....

Me:(stunned,gave out an awkward laugh)

later in OT:

SMP:So Lee,what about your love story?

Me:(Ultimately stunned,should i tell all my untold tales right here,right now in OT?)

then,Me:Im just unfortunately single....

SMP:oh......i c...

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(During rounds in a different place and time)

Nurse:DR! bila sampai masa DR untuk couple-couple?Tengok,si XX ni kan ada...

Si XX:(awkward laugh)

Me:(Continued my scribbles and yet another awkward smile)

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DOing Oncal,Conversation with a self bloating person-V:

Me:Hey what are you doing back here?

V:No la,no particular reason

V:How are u all doing here ?ok?

Me:initially bad,but now ok lo,wrong start with the mo

V:Why u didnt asked me how to do ward round?I created the system mah.

Me:oh...ok...

V:you know,all four of us previously scored the highest mark in the asessment,you all should not let our HOD down.

Me:(cough)How much you all scored?

V:i scored 80+,in viva thay didnt even asked me any question.they just said,how r you har,than ask me to go out.

V:Plus my ultrasound skill is so good now,i can even scan twin pregnancy,those not here cant even scan properly...

Me:(WTH)...ok...

V:The mo just love me because im so can function as a MO.....

Me: (Stunned again,is all these excessive self praise,or what?)

It dragged on and on and on...oh god please save me..........................

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Sometimes i just blamed myself for not being able to handle the conversation/people like this better.For the last conversation,probably it was really a bad day to oncall ....How would you reply /handle this?? :)

I just cant stop the beat....

I meant my extra vigorous heart beat=palpitation...

Recently i kept having this palpitation plus adrenalin rush,here's why:

1)Delivering a set of twin,1st fetus cephalic,2nd breech.(the 2nd twin probably delivered himself).

2)Doing my evacuation of retained product of conception(afraid puncturing the uterus every minute i currete)

3)Doing my 1st caesarean section(with a great help from my Mo's of course---anything can go wrong)

4)Seeing things that soothes the eyes...(Ding and iron woman should know what i meant,ha!)

5)When mothers having poor maternal effort

6)Or they are screaming their heads out while wanting their baby's head to get out from the vagina

7)Seeing a humangous haematoma on the vagina...8x9cm,my goodness(must suture perineal tear and episiotomy wound meticulously !!!!!)

8)Going to Stadium Keningau which seems a bit creepy (the male toilet part),but the pool was OK.

Life is interesting when there's reason for your heart to work harder...:)

Peaceful day in Keningau...

Occasionally i do need some time off from from hospital..and today was the day.People asked me :"what you wana do la with the one day off in Keningau."

Probably just drifting away into sleep,and just enjoy the time being away...

Yes,some alone time it's good for the soul...

It's not all sugar and honey in Keningau ...

Since the begining started with the wrong foot.Being compared to the previous "excellent" four put even more strain on the 4 newbies who knew nothing about the computerized system here.Yes,less patient,but when the in-charged MOs is not happy,life can get tough.

It's not the reason of laziness or stupidity,the problem would be organization and human relation.Yes,being a DR can be a sucky job when most of the time rapport with people comes into play...especially to survive in a whole new place...The so called the first impression...

The brighter side,less houseman,less competition in doing procedure.More focused on learning...more 1 to 1 exposure and more weird2 cases and ghost stories...Starting my oncall tomorrow...

Will try my best...not to be discouraged,but to gain something from all of this...As the saying goes:"things happen for a purpose....."

People i wana avoid in life...

People who likes to take advantage of others,especially during working times...

People who always think they are right,and the whole world revolves around them...

People who will do what they can to get want they want,regardless of how friends might think of them...

People who are lazy in doing work,avoiding task and pushing responsability to others...

People who thinks they are funny and cute,but actually it is making people sick...

I am "fortunate" enough to meet her when started working in sabah,and truely it came with a whole package.Enough is enough i say to myself,and it doesnt worth my time and energy to let this kind of people disturbing my life.Please stay far far away from me....

I am a Keningau Boy!

For the next two months i will be posted to district Hospital Keningau ...it's going to be a whole new adventure!!huhu!!

It was announced officially and letter was issued to us who were involved...I am very hopeful of this new unexplored teritory....:)

Only the lucky 4 were choosen,and i am one of them....:)

One of those oncalls that you just have to write about...

The OBGY experince i got so far is truely out of this world.

First time oncall in labor room,one would really hope it was uneventful and everything go smoothly.

A lady came in with Gravida 2 Para 0+1(her second pregnancy but first pregnancy miscarriaged),os was 6 cm.Cardiotocograph(like a ecg for fetus) doesnt looked good.I enthusiaticly went to attend the patient.

Left lateral position,oxygen,hydration....at last i wanted to drain out the urine.

I was searching the urethra hole,and my eyes were really focused,vision and distance of my head from the target was ...hmm...half a meter apart...then i found it.With a PPK as a chaperon,i inserted the drain.Not even 1/3 in,my patient told me:" Dr,saya rasa mau berak la!"

I looked at the patient:"huh?masih awal lagi la puan..."

The next thing i knew,the drain suddenly flew out.A fountain of golden urination flashed by in front of me...Recall back the distance,my head was within the range,and the next thing i knew,my specticle got spots of urine,i think my hair got some drops on it too...i think my expression at tht time was priceless.My diligent PPK was laughing her hearts out,and so were the nurses at labor room...

My friends told me OBGY and liqour(amniotic fluid) is inseperable,one would have the privillege to be touch by it sometime at unwanted places.But this time i wana add in the list,urine also....

My 1st working day in OBGY

Today was the official working day in OBGY,PAC is the first line where all obstetric admission came in.I am currently working with a bunch of nice people,making my day bearable.Since morning the admission came in with a constant flow,whn most of the drama happen to the patients i've touched...

1st dramatic patient,came in with labor pain,not enough months(prematurity,many children before),i was busy setting line and taking blood,just started to interview when my dependable nurse told me:"DR!patient macam sedang teran la!"Immediate vaginal examination,baby's tip of the head was already visible...Pushing the mother like mad with my nurse to the labor room,passing over the case to my colleagues in LR...it happen like within a few minutes...Soon after tranfered bed,the baby popped out,in the end the baby looked termed,probably it was wrong date....i heaved a sigh of relief....

After 30 minutes, 2nd patient( 10 children before),came in with labor pain.Again the same scene:"Dr!patient macam mau teran la!"I ran and checked placenta was not low lying(vaginal examination can cause bleeding if low lying placenta was injured).The nurse did VE at once,again,baby's head is coming out."Hantar labor room sekarang!!".when we wanted to tranfer patient on to another bed in LR,she said:"Nurse,saya rasa macam mau berak!.''.When we open the blanket,the newborn baby was already shaking her hands and crying vigorously ...The nurse and i was shocked but had a good laugh later...

Both patients delivered uneventfully...It was sure a busy day,but it did ended with some new invigorating experince...:)

OBGY=OMG

Tired is the only word i can think of.Probably the transition was difficult...sigh,will the days of freely swimming in swimming pool ever return to me....will the days of holding my PS2 controller ever get near....There's still a long way to go,a lot of blood,a lot of new thing s to be explored,and a lot of being shouted at experince....1st day of tagging,i was already hit by a paper ball because of some other people's mistake.(Thrown by the most famous OBGY mo in my hospital)

I hope i can just finish this soon...

Kudat Road Trip

Today,muscle pain,joint pain and sun burn,did not deter our spirit into making use of the days before joining OBGY department.We went for a Kudat 1 day road trip.It was time consuming,but the scenary in Tip Of Borneo(Simpang Mengayau) was the highlight of the day.Other bonuses we stumbled accidentally(making wrong turns and venturing into the deep deep deep.....part of the jungle) was the Pantai Kelambu beach.It is a beach not fully comercialized,which still perserve it's natural beauty.So far in my experince,i have never come across a beach that is so clean .I regretted i did not bring my swimming trunks!!!

We went to Rungus long house which i personally think doesnt worth the RM 3 entrance fee and Honey Bee farm located not far from the village before going to search for Tip Of Borneo.I would recommend the Tip Of Borneo and Pantai Kelambu to anyone,but try and wait for the sunset in Tip Of Borneo.(We couldn't because the drive back would be treacherous with no street lights,cows and unfamiliar roads)

This was a very memorable and nice road trip :)

Padas White Water Rafting

After returning to Sabah,the wisest thing to get myself adjusted is to go on trips!!!The first day i went for white water rafting in Padas.The journey was "goyang goyang"(travel via old train running through the jungle on rocky old tracks),the guides were hilarious,though the river was stingy for giving adrenalin rush.Due to the dry season,the rapids were a dissapointment.Another drag were the 3 princess from china who were on the same boat with me and pian2.(The rest of the gang was on another boat )..We were their loyal servants who paddled hard so that they could enjoy the river sight seeing.Luckily the guides helped us to paddle faster.Swimming and "water fighting' between other boats were the enjoying part instead .We vowed to return on the month of June to challenge Padas river again.

The way home+CNY+ Sentosa Island night trip

I went home ,carried with me the excitement and happiness that finally i can get a break .I got a good seat this time,near the wings of the aeroplane,the clouds really looked like cotton candy...the food in aeroplane was terrible though,partially cooked rice.... -_-"

Walking back in the dining halls of 6th college,as if it was still yesteday i was sitting there complaining about the food.The pekan buku had been shifted.Saw familiar faces,saw some of my buddies.It's their turn to become final years soon,i felt so old suddenly,even though it was only 8 months since i started working.Time really passes when i whine a lot :)

Petaling street is still as busy and noisy as ever.Treat my buddy Nando's as a token of gratitude for helping me taking the books from esther.The stares of shop vendors in petaling street was still very unwelcoming.Never the less,just wana re-experince the city that i left behind for awhile ....

At home,father and mother already half asleep.As expected,they cooked my favourite soup....A small gesture can sometime means a lot...:)

The next day our whole family went to johor to celebrate CNY with my sister.Went to temple to pray for a roaring year....Went to eat vegetarian food in another semi temple/semi old folks home...Spend priceless time talking,eating and complaining together with my family.A dose of family time really boost me up.I felt i can conquer the world again...haha

My parents and brother's family went back early while i stayed on.I visited my sis's husband side relatives.Had a great time joining their activities...fireworks,lanterns(kong ming deng)...nice!

The day before i came back Sabah,we visited Sentosa Island.Hmm...the casino was quite a huge compound,with lots of extra features compare to our Genting's casino.Sigh,another casino means potential rise of social problem for the country,even though it's in our neigbouring country...

i left semenanjung with lots of food stuff inside my hand carried bag...nearly missed the flight though...the thought of when i will be coming back kept linger in my head through out the journey...haha

I love going home.............

Semenanjung I am going HOME!!!

Yeah,it's one of those night before flying back home post.Cant helped it,just had to type something.This time it's for the one whole week ...feel like i have tons of things to do.Feel like it's been ages since i last saw my father and mother...Even the morning air scent back at home is being "miss" by me...

Im seriously going to fully utilize this great escape to catch up with my family and friends.In the end,a little distance is what you need to claerly see what really matters the most.It's time to pack my bag and ready to go...:)

Before i forget... wish everybody Happy Chinese New Year and happy holiday!!!(if wilson is reading:I might kacau u in johor/singapore...ha...)

Im going to be a good boy...

Yesterday i was shocked with a very sad news...3 housemans passed away and 1 still in critical care while 20 over sustained fractures and dislocations due to road traffic accident...It was such a great lost to everyone and to the country...

While waiting outside the mortuary yesterday to pay last respect to them,so many people came.Even specialist and head of departments plus MOs were there.It made me think,life really is too short and unpredictable,so many things can happen in a blink of an eye...My homesickness became more severe since yesterday and my heart ache for the family lost...

So...im counting the days to go back home....sigh...i missed them so much...and i promised myself that never to mix these two things=drink and drive

Death...Departure...Seperation

Different words but somehow they carry the same meaning...Watching patient on the verge of catching their last breath while every last effort is being made...watching my fighting fishes remained static in the fish tank corner..and belly upside down after a few days,watching my morning glory slowly deafeated by infestation of unknown whittish parasite...

Life can be so wonderful,creating smiles and happiness.On the other extreme it is so fragile,bringing sorrow and regret ,what may happen the next moment is unpredictable...

Im surrounded by death,every second the scythe of death god might hit somewhere.The next thing i know it might be the last time i spoke to my patient.

We are responsible for so many things,and it is our duty to do our job well.Sense of caring and feeling empathy to patients are so important.

Im learning,and i will try my best.

Money matters...

It's been troubling me quite some time...especially when it comes to this word,money...people around me seems to find ways to earn more money...joining direct sale,loaning money from bank to pay off debt and the extra loan money put into investment...etc etc...

The large sum of money(loan from PTPTN) really hard to spit back out...sigh...rather than letting the leech suck all my blood dry,one episode of massive bleeding maybe would suffice...But suddenly become RM36 K poorer is such pain to bear with...huhu....People,do not accept PTPTN!!!It is not a loan to helped students,but instead bring burden and inconvenience to people like you and me...

Brief conversation with our Director General of Health

Yesterday our hospital was in a state of alert,because our director of health was visiting our Queen Elizabeth Hospital II(previously called Sabah Medical Center)

Everyone was anxious with his sudden arrival and when the matron signal us the houseman to follow his "round"...i gingerly trail along.He noticed Annie,HS and I standing outside one of the cubicle and came up to us..He asked me:"Are you happy here?"

Many many pairs of eyes were staring at me...In a reflex i answered eagerly:"Happy,happy..."
Next he was looking for Mr N,our Head of department,which we later frantically called his phone...

Afterwards the question that he asked still linger in my head...Am i happy here?