Excuses

Excuses…
Can you just stop
To give excuses
Excuses for your mistakes
Excuses for not doing things properly
Excuses for saving your own as#
Excuses for being such an as#
Excuses for waking up late
Excuses for not exercising enough
Excuses for not sensitive enough
Excuses for procrastinating
Excuses for people hating you
Excuses for hating people
Excuses for being who you are
Excuses for being who others want you to be
Wouldn’t it be easier
When we start to give fewer excuses
but start to be honest to ourselves
When are we going to live life, when life itself is filled with excuses?

Random Ramblings

Not all the time we are satisfied with what we have, with what environment we are living in. There are people that just don’t make any sense, and there are just scenarios that are just unbelievable. Living here and receiving training in where I am, showed me more than I intended to see.

Everything has a limitation to it. No matter how advanced knowledge there is up to date,you just need to try your best with what you have. Because in the end of the day you just want what is the best for the patients. Perhaps sometime the effort seems futile, wasted, inevitably I felt frustrated by the outcome. Perhaps I just didn’t see the other positive side of it. Perhaps it may become worse.

Tireness is unavoidable. Physically and mentally.im trying to accept the flawed part every other things(but always ended up getting agitated and fouled mouthed about it).Perhaps looking at the imperfect part of myself, accepting and correcting it would help me accepting others. Now and then how I wish and this world is less complicated, diseases wise(Dr would be out of job) and human relation. There’s a saying that imperfections made the world perfect, occasionally it is true if you can live with it.

I must let myself to trust others, but past had thought me well. Trust is not something to be given easily. It’s the same with respect. It is something you just have to earn from others. Working life, these two aspects are so vital.

Somebody told me, :”You only live young once, why not live more by loving more…”Depends on how you interpret it, it comes in different meaning. Happiness doesn’t come easy, so it’s the chance to love. Maybe I have long forgotten how it is feel .There are people can begin and end one after another,I wonder how they actually feel inside…

How I wish everything is much simpler.

To my horror.......

2 hours plus of driving from Keningau to Kota Kinabalu...it was really draining.Luckily my collection of songs were there to lessen the agony.It was misty,winding road with lots of slow moving trucks as obstacle.Missing a turn cost me 30 minutes of extra detour....sigh....



After reaching the house,i quickly went up my room to clear things up.To my horror...this was what i saw...

What a welcoming gift back to KK.But the positve side i wasnt fortunate enough to be hit by the falling ceiling.Plus my nice housemates helped me clean my room and the mess....Water leakage,sometimes shit really falls from above....

Sometimes just out of nowhere...

Scenarios in life where i had verbal constipation:

Senior medical personnel(SMP):Saya mau buat transvaginal ultrasound,Lee,get me an ultrasound condom

Me:err...wait ar....(fumbling over the small red box took some time but finally found one)

SMP:Bibi(a nurse),mana mungkin tiada kan?

Me: (Being looked at by the smp)..

SMP:kita kan sudah banyak Dr lelaki,entahlah siapa yang menghabiskan...(ended with a grin)

Me:(stunned,im innocent,i wont use a condom meant for ultrasound anyway,should i just laugh?)

then,Me: laughed,Er,Dr,what is that structure over there...ne...over there...

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(This happen in OT-different SMP)

SMP:Lee ,how old are you?

Me:er,i was borned year 85,so now is 25 yr old

SMP:Oh,but you have eyes of an 18 years old....

Me:(stunned,gave out an awkward laugh)

later in OT:

SMP:So Lee,what about your love story?

Me:(Ultimately stunned,should i tell all my untold tales right here,right now in OT?)

then,Me:Im just unfortunately single....

SMP:oh......i c...

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(During rounds in a different place and time)

Nurse:DR! bila sampai masa DR untuk couple-couple?Tengok,si XX ni kan ada...

Si XX:(awkward laugh)

Me:(Continued my scribbles and yet another awkward smile)

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DOing Oncal,Conversation with a self bloating person-V:

Me:Hey what are you doing back here?

V:No la,no particular reason

V:How are u all doing here ?ok?

Me:initially bad,but now ok lo,wrong start with the mo

V:Why u didnt asked me how to do ward round?I created the system mah.

Me:oh...ok...

V:you know,all four of us previously scored the highest mark in the asessment,you all should not let our HOD down.

Me:(cough)How much you all scored?

V:i scored 80+,in viva thay didnt even asked me any question.they just said,how r you har,than ask me to go out.

V:Plus my ultrasound skill is so good now,i can even scan twin pregnancy,those not here cant even scan properly...

Me:(WTH)...ok...

V:The mo just love me because im so can function as a MO.....

Me: (Stunned again,is all these excessive self praise,or what?)

It dragged on and on and on...oh god please save me..........................

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Sometimes i just blamed myself for not being able to handle the conversation/people like this better.For the last conversation,probably it was really a bad day to oncall ....How would you reply /handle this?? :)

I just cant stop the beat....

I meant my extra vigorous heart beat=palpitation...

Recently i kept having this palpitation plus adrenalin rush,here's why:

1)Delivering a set of twin,1st fetus cephalic,2nd breech.(the 2nd twin probably delivered himself).

2)Doing my evacuation of retained product of conception(afraid puncturing the uterus every minute i currete)

3)Doing my 1st caesarean section(with a great help from my Mo's of course---anything can go wrong)

4)Seeing things that soothes the eyes...(Ding and iron woman should know what i meant,ha!)

5)When mothers having poor maternal effort

6)Or they are screaming their heads out while wanting their baby's head to get out from the vagina

7)Seeing a humangous haematoma on the vagina...8x9cm,my goodness(must suture perineal tear and episiotomy wound meticulously !!!!!)

8)Going to Stadium Keningau which seems a bit creepy (the male toilet part),but the pool was OK.

Life is interesting when there's reason for your heart to work harder...:)

Peaceful day in Keningau...

Occasionally i do need some time off from from hospital..and today was the day.People asked me :"what you wana do la with the one day off in Keningau."

Probably just drifting away into sleep,and just enjoy the time being away...

Yes,some alone time it's good for the soul...

It's not all sugar and honey in Keningau ...

Since the begining started with the wrong foot.Being compared to the previous "excellent" four put even more strain on the 4 newbies who knew nothing about the computerized system here.Yes,less patient,but when the in-charged MOs is not happy,life can get tough.

It's not the reason of laziness or stupidity,the problem would be organization and human relation.Yes,being a DR can be a sucky job when most of the time rapport with people comes into play...especially to survive in a whole new place...The so called the first impression...

The brighter side,less houseman,less competition in doing procedure.More focused on learning...more 1 to 1 exposure and more weird2 cases and ghost stories...Starting my oncall tomorrow...

Will try my best...not to be discouraged,but to gain something from all of this...As the saying goes:"things happen for a purpose....."