How To Save A Life-The Fray

This song always reminded me of the ones i've lost,of those regrets ,and of those moments where i dont dare to relive...I am just glad i am here,and all that are still with me....thank you :).It's is October again,and i just wana say i missed you !

Step one you said we need to talk

He walks you said sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left you stay right

Between the line of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came

Where did i go wrong,i lost a friend

Somewhere along the bitterness

And i would stayed up with you all night

Had i known how to save a life

Holiday....where are you??

I cant wait to go on my holiday....days are getting a bit routine...but i made some new friends,gain lots of new experince,and finally found a posting which i fell in love with....still........i want holiday...............

I just have to say it

Power,authority corrupts people.Meeting a few of the seniors SP recently really reflect how true is the statement.

When they are in a higher authority and can manipulate things according to their wishes,it doesnt matter how it will affect others,the most important thing is wether they like it or not,regardless it is right or wrong.

When there's acheivement,when there's success,yes ,we must let the world know about it!Creating a fan club and forcing people to like it,wow....

When there's conflict in between departments,let just involve the HO in it,the more the merrier right?

The statement"houseman nowadays is a protected species,even SP afraid of letter of complaint by houseman to the DG" I was thinking:"If a good senior SP who knows how to teach well,doesnt really give a damn wether they are being complaint or not,because they are such excellent and sincere teachers."

Another statement who shocked me the most:"selectively we teach the housemans,only those who shows interest"Again thoughts are running in my head:"please say the things tht you do in reality,god please help us".

Im not a super best HO among the bunch,but seeing and listening to these kind of things,really made me wana laugh ,it's this the level we are at?

I am so sorry...

Life is so unpredictable,so is disease progression.Life always give me a lesson that i may never forget for the rest of my life.And people say im a Jonah now...Maybe i am

It happen within minutes....He was talking fine to me in high dependency unit minutes ago after the morning blood taking,suddenly collapsed and unresponsive the other minute.While doing the CPR,bagging the patient,my heart was racing.

"What went wrong?"

"Why a minute ago you were perfectly fine,now your pupils are fixed and dilated?"

"Why has you heart stopped beating ?"

"Are we missing something here?"

I tried to intubate but to no avail,i've called for help,i've given adrenaline,bagging and CPR....What else can i do???........

Eventually thing sorted out when help came.Difficult intubation but in the end he was more stable.

I cannot meet the gaze of her wife when i left HDU.

I cannot bear seeing the teary face of a 50's old lady,who wondering what had become of her beloved....

I cannot imagine her feeling of insecurity and worriness,of losing a person who been sharing years and years of love and companionship.

While walking out from the hospital,it was another beautiful day with clear sky and bright sunshine.Inside my mind was a different story...

Plan

Lesson kept on repeating,no matter how well you planned for the future,it may not always go accordingly...well....who cares,happiness matters right?

Escapism

May i just have one whole day to myself,without people asking anything from me?

It's childish i know,but i dont care.

and sometimes i cant just always be a bigger person,like you hope me to be.

Im just like everybody else

Who just get tired of everything once in awhile.

Busy busy busy....

This has been the most frequent word that comes into my mind recently.Been in medical "chronic" ward but all problems are so acute.

One incident,a patient in his 40's came in with 1 months history of shortness of breath and severe lost of weight.History of operation done under ENT(oncology) ,?NPC(scar at posterior auricular area)...No significant history of TB noted.

Patient was very breathless,:''doctor,tolong aku..."

The Blood pressure lowish(90/50),the radial pulse was barely palpable,hmm,i thought,run fluid!Oxygen high flow....

Chest bilateral decreased air entry with crepitation and dullness."Ok,really bad case of TB???"Heart sounds were soft.

Chest radiograph:bilateral lung effusion and a very huge heart.

"hmm....acute pulmonary oedema also???"

Me on the phone:"Hi doctor,it's lee from male ward,we just had a admission ,patient was very breathless,lowish BP,not very stable.""OK,i'll come and see later."

After 15 minutes....no sign of MO.

Mr Pharmacy(who can be a better houseman):"better be careful of this patient,looks like going to collapse anytime"

Me:panic again.

Then the Heroes of the day were sighted(respiratory team)

Dr A and R:"any respi cases?"

"dr,can you help us with this case"

Seen everything,hear every history,The chest X Ray:"GLOBULAR heart".

"Have you felt the apex beat?"

Me:err...nope,but heart sound really soft and pulses barely palpable"

"Let's scan the heart"

What do you think is the diagnosis??? I swear to myself i will never missed this again!!!